Monday, November 30, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 29, 28, 27, 26 and 25 ...

T - 29:

Welcome back, my Ho-Ho-Homies! We've got a LOT of ground to cover today, so hop aboard Priscilla and join me, won't you? Say what??? Well, if you lived in Atlanta, you wouldn't have to ask --- Priscilla is the name of the Pink Pig, an annual holiday tradition/ride for the family where you ride a piggy-shaped train through various winter wonderlands while Priscilla narrates in her lovely Southern drawl ... OK, you know what? I can see I'm losing you here, so let's have Priscilla give you a guided tour herself ... All Aboard!

T - 28:

Watch your step getting off Priscilla (yeah, I know, that sounded horrible) ... is it cold in here or is it just me? I've got JUST the thing! This year's edition of ... wait for it ... Ugly Christmas Sweaters!

T - 27:

Here is your wallpaper for today --- that's all I'm saying ... I LOVE IT!!! :) [NOTE: Click on the AdsOftheWorld link to see this in it's FULL GLORY!]

T - 26:

Do you despise Christmas music? Well, OK, maybe not DESPISE, per se, but wish they were somehow ... shorter? Step right up, ladies and gents, for I have the solution to what ails you --- it's Christmas Carol Haikus!

T - 25:

Holiday photos are always the rage this time of year ... especially with a little dollop of that 'ol debbil Photoshop! We close today with a little something for Milo (and all you other fans of FIREFLY ... you know who you are!)

Whew! I'm exhausted! That's it for today, kiddies - come back tomorrow for more Tinsel Terror ... until then, if you're looking for me, I'll be riding Priscilla, over and over and over ...

Monday, November 23, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 30 ...

See that number, boys and girls? T - 30 ... yes, we've hit the FOUR WEEK MARK! One month to go, kids! Makes ya want to go ballistic, maybe go a little crazy? Well, why don't you give this FANTASTIC little fillip a look-see? It's the perfect antidote to the upcoming Black Friday madness ... the One, the Only (TOTALLY NSFW) ... PULP CHRISTMAS!

And with THAT bit of Holiday Homicide playing over and over in your brain, we'll take a break ... enjoy your Turkey Day! Check back here on Monday, the 30th for FIVE entries! See ya!

Friday, November 20, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 31 ...

WOW --- JUST --- WOW --- Somedays I really stretch for material to post, and on other days, the Yule Gods hand me a present ... there's nothing I can say to add to the magnificence of this picture! :) Use it as your wallpaper on your computer ... it can't help but cheer you up!


Back tomorrow!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 34, T - 33, and T - 32 ...

T - 34:

Welcome back, my Photogenic Pixies! If the photo to the left doesn't sober you up after a weekend of pre-holiday partying, I don't know WHAT will! It also heralds this year's edition of ... yes, you guessed it ... Scared of Santa!

T - 33:

What's better than a Winter Wonderland??? How about a ... Miniatur Wunderland? Take a look at this promotional video for the largest model railway in the world (located in Hamburg, Germany) - time to put on your best "Where's Waldo?" caps and spot Santa ... and the police fishing a drowned model corpse out of a model river! Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

T - 32:

Let's end today with a look at some of the original Mad Men of Madison Avenue - you would think Christmas and advertising would go hand-in-hand, right? Usually you would be correct ... USUALLY. But, boy, when the ad campaigns go wrong, they go wrong BIG TIME - take a look!

Huh, who knew? Parents were right the whole time - you COULD put your eye out with those things!


Join me again tomorrow for more Winter Weirdness - see you then!

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 35 ...

     What would the K.A.C. be without our yearly entry of Terrifying Tintinnabulations, aka the Epic Fail of Christmas Albums? None of these are made up (I actually OWN one of these, but I'm not saying which one ...), with each and every one guaranteed to bring a smile (or shudder of horror) to your face. Don't take my word for it, click the link if you're brave enough, then gaze in rapture (or malaise) at 17 gift possibilities for that Certain Someone on YOUR list! :) Best of all, if you click on the covers individually, you can see them in nice BIG clarity! Ready, Set, GO !!!


AND, just because it's Friday, and as a special K.A.C. shout-out to my friends Roger and Jennifer, I'll leave you with just two words: CHRISTMAS BADGERS!!!!

Have a great weekend and come back Monday, as we ramp up the craziness the closer we get to December!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 37 and 36 ...

T - 37:

Continuing our Cinematic Christmas Chronicle, as promised, here is the Exclusive Captured Footage of how the Jolly Fat Man knows ALL! NOTHING can stop him! Is this proof that Santa is a MUTANT??? He and Kitty Pryde can both pass through walls! Don't believe me? Then take a look at the following:


On a sadder note, it would be remiss of me not to mention the passing of one of my favorite actors, Edward Woodward. Depending on your age, you either knew him from the UK series CALLAN, the American series THE EQUALIZER, or his more famous film roles, such as THE WICKER MAN or BREAKER MORANT. However, I also like to remember him from two lesser-known roles: first, as Merlin in MERLIN AND THE SWORD (aka ARTHUR THE KING), from 1985, a truly awful film made only bearable by his presence:

Second, as the Ghost of Christmas Present in the 1984 TV movie version of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, starring George C. Scott. Woodward dominated every SECOND he was on the screen. Yes, he is jovial and literally larger than life upon first meeting Scrooge, but later on, when confronting him over his ill-chosen words, he BLISTERS the screen - one of the things I always loved about Woodward in THE EQUALIZER (and in this role) is that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, did Righteous Indignation and Quiet Wrath like he did - I would literally sink in my chair watching him, eternally glad that wasn't me he was turning his bad-assery on - EEK!
Find this version of A CHRISTMAS CAROL - you will NOT be disappointed.

Edward Woodward - 1930 - 2009 - R.I.P.


T - 36:

Now HERE'S somebody who's going to get coal in their stocking this year!

More tomorrow!

Monday, November 16, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 38 ...

Wake up, my sugar-plum sleepyheads! I've got a Christmas story of a "different" type to tell you about today ... it's all about a boy who liked to go to the movies. Well, one sunny Friday in 1984, right before Christmas, while living in Minneapolis, Minnesota, he decided to play hooky and not go to work - he thought he'd take the day off and go to the movies instead! So off he went (after calling in "sick") downtown to the Skyway Theater to see an intriguing little holiday film called SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT - all about a disturbed young man who dons a Santa outfit and starts to off people in various holiday-themed ways.

He had seen the trailer and thought: "Now THAT looks interesting - I need to see this!" Did I mention he was a fan of horror films? Did I mention he liked "slasher" films, as well? Did I also mention he was supposed to be home in bed, calling in sick to work? Keep that last point in mind ...

So off I went ... umm, I mean, off "he" went ... to see the Very First Show at 10:30AM. Let others go off to their jobs, he said, I'M going to watch a cool film! Popcorn and drink in hand, he was directed by the ticket-taker to the (admittedly skeevy) basement theater, where the more "disreputable" films played. Looking around, he saw a handful of like-minded souls, as well as a few who were sleeping their drinking binges of the night before off, and settled in to his front-row center seat ... when all of a sudden, what to his wondering eyes should appear? Nope, not Santa! With a "WHOOSH!" like a THOUSAND SUNS, a GIGANTIC floodlight comes on in the back of the theater, accompanied by the whirring of cameras, and a local TV news investigative reporter screaming into her microphone: "We're here to see just WHAT KIND OF SICK INDIVIDUAL WOULD PAY MONEY TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT SANTA CLAUS SLAUGHTERING INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!"

(A bit of an aside here: while I - NO, "HE!HE!" - was settling in, getting ready to enjoy the show, I missed the fun OUTSIDE - namely, the THRONG of Outraged Parents who had organized a protest of this SICK FILM --- now, mind you, there had been slasher films before this, but none that trod the Sacrosanct Santa tradition! So they had the placards up, the chants going, and had called the TV stations to cover it on the news ... which is where we pick up the story ...)

Upon hearing the Voice of God and being bathed in the Light of Purity, I (DARN IT! ...) "HE" let out a horrified "EEEEEEK!" and, reverting to his best military school training, did a beautiful duck-and-cover off the seat, rolled ACROSS the candy-covered floor and scuttled {along with the roaches} to the Men's Room, where he bravely hid for 5 - 10 minutes. I did mention he was supposed to be home sick, right? That would have been rather hard to explain when his co-workers saw the news that night ...

Thankfully, I managed to just miss the trailers ... (OK, I give up, it was ME - I ADMIT IT! :) ). The film was just as bad as people made it out to be, a minor entry in the slasher genre, but memorable to me for the near-miss of being on TV thanks to Slasher Santa.

Whew! Now WHY did I tell you all this, you ask? BEEEE-CAUSE the Brattle Theater here in Boston, in the spirit of the season, is SHOWING the film on December 12th as part of their "Ho-Ho-Horrors" Film Festival (from December 11th - 13th). Here's a peek at the original trailer!

It's playing with 1974's BLACK CHRISTMAS, which I also saw when it first came out ... but that's another story. ;)

A quick note: I'll be out tomorrow, but Thursday I'll be back with two entries, including a little-know fact about Santa ... remember the whole "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake"? Ever wonder HOW he knows that? Would you believe it's because he can WALK THROUGH WALLS???!!! It's TRUE! The SHOCKING footage right here Thursday! See you then!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 41, 40 AND 39 ...

Hi-dee Ho, my Holiday Hellions! Hope you had a good weekend ... did you miss us? We've got three days worth of updates to get to and you're gonna need some Visine before this one's done. Ready?

T - 41:

When you were a kid and you daydreamed about Christmas, what was your first thought? TOYS, of course! No, don't lie and say anything else, you and I BOTH KNOW it was toys! In that spirit, and in honor of the Rankin/Bass Island of Misfit Toys, we present the K.A.C. 2009 Worst Toys of the Year Award! Let's hope none of these show up under YOUR tree!

At # 3, we have the Rad Repeatin' Tarzan - words fail me on this bad boy - no, seriously, he's a BAD BOY - see for yourself!

At # 2, for the young "lady" in your life, the Pole Dancing Doll ...

And, at # 1, the one, the only Wolverine of the X-Men! WHAT, you say? How could that be worse than these other two disasters? Take a look:

T - 40:

From Anchorage, Alaska, comes the report of the one, the ONLY ... SNOWZILLA! He returns every year, BIGGER than before ... in 2007, he was 16 feet tall, then in 2008, he returned, Bigger and badder than ever, weighing in at 25 feet tall, and this year ... who knows? I'm waiting with bated breath for his return, but until then, take a look:

T - 39:

We end today's post on a rather somber note, involving a court case you may have missed. All I have to say to this is: "STOP THE INSANITY, PEOPLE! REINDEERS HAVE RIGHTS, TOO!" Read it and weep - consider this a public service message. Why? Because (as a wise man/action figure once said) "knowing is half the battle!"

A hearing into the case of Rudolph, a reindeer


From Wednesday's Globe and Mail

December 23, 2008 at 10:11 PM EST

In December of 2006, this rights commission was asked to investigate claims of discrimination based on physical disability with regards to a reindeer, Rudolph.
Thanks to the use of anatomically correct dolls brought to life in a stop-action dramatic recreation of the incidents under discussion, as well as at least one version of the events delivered in the form of a ridiculously catchy country western song, the commission has established the following facts:
* Rudolph suffers from a facial disfigurement.
* Rudolph is employed by Santa Claus, the owner and sole executive of a toy manufacturing conglomerate known as Santa Claus Holdings Inc. (herewith referred to as SCHI) and located on or near Earth's magnetic north pole (herewith referred to as the North Pole). Rudolph works in the delivery department, propulsion and guidance systems.
* In the North Pole, reindeer can fly. No one thinks this is weird.
* Like the lingerie section at department stores, SCHI delivers its entire annual production of Christmas gifts on a single night – Dec. 24.
* The alleged incidents took place in the winter months leading up to Christmas, 2005.
The commission established the following narrative of events:
Rudolph suffers from an unusual swelling and discoloration of the nose.
Medical doctors who examined him at the commission's request concluded that his disability is not due to any known medical condition.
For one thing, his nose is too shiny. Witnesses testified that some “would even say it glows,” raising the possibility of radiation poisoning. That was ruled out through the use of a Geiger counter. A diagnosis of congenital disfigurement is accepted by the commission.
It's clear that Rudolph's disfigurement was a source of shame for his parents. At one point, the child's father tried to blacken his son's nose with mud, a considerable effort given mud's scarcity in the North Pole. Donner eventually fashioned a prosthetic nose and forced Rudolph to wear it when out in public.
Rudolph's problems were exacerbated at school. The prosthetic nose was crudely made and often fell off, revealing Rudolph's disfigurement. His peers responded by ridiculing him and refusing to let him “join in any reindeer games,” according to one version of events.
Reindeer games are an intrinsic part of reindeer society, and Rudolph's exclusion from them was painful. No action was taken by teachers or the school principal to rectify the situation. The commission notes that the school is owned and operated by North Pole Education Systems Inc., a subsidiary of SCHI.
The cruel taunts and exclusion continued until Dec. 24, 2005, when climatic conditions resulted in the peculiar appearance of a thick blanket of fog in the North Pole, a polar desert where average temperatures on this date are in the minus-45-degree range.
It was at this point that Santa Claus himself approached Rudolph and offered him the chance to fill a newly created position in the delivery department: He asked Rudolph to help pull his gift-laden sleigh in the lead position.
Santa Claus's hope was that Rudolph's brightly lit red nose would serve as a beacon and help him guide his sleigh that night. It apparently worked, as the delivery went off without a hitch.
Rudolph's sudden and unexpected engagement by the region's single all-powerful employer changed his peers' attitudes toward him. “Then all the reindeer loved him,” one witness said. Some predicted that Rudolph would “go down in history.”
The commission finds this case to be troubling from start to finish. Its members note with sadness that the North Pole is dominated by a judgmental and Manichean character who divides the world into “naughty” and “nice.” Rudolph's systematic exclusion clearly comes from the top in a community that is controlled in all its aspects by a single employer.
There is little in that regard to distinguish the North Pole from any single-company town in apartheid-era South Africa, pre-First World War Ireland or the current New Brunswick.
The commission is also troubled that Santa Claus only intervened on behalf of a victim of repeated discrimination when his company's fortunes were on the line. While lawyers acting for SCHI at the hearings argued that the hiring of Rudolph was a clear indication of the company's policy of inclusion, the commission feels that it was motivated by a venal goal and that the company only played it otherwise after complaints were made to the commission.
The commission therefore finds that:
* SCHI discriminated against Rudolph, and it should pay Rudolph the sum of $18.5-million in damages.
* SCHI must immediately begin tolerance and diversity programs for all of its employees, starting at the top.
* SCHI must open itself to diversity audits on an annual basis and file a report with this commission indicating the progress it has made in finding work for red-nosed reindeers, tall elves and un-jolly humans.

There you have it! I'll be back tomorrow with more jolly-ness, while you try to sandblast Rad Repeatin' Tarzan out of your minds - see you!

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 42 Days ...

     Welcome back, my Shivering Snowmen! We've been waiting for you ... no, seriously, we've ALL been waiting for you ... come over here - just a little closer ...

*ahem* Moving on ... today we feature the Carol of the Robots - a cute little film I stumbled upon (literally) over at - a veritable treasure trove of who-knows-what every time you click on Stumble! Hours of time-wasting fun - try it!

But back to our star of the day - turn up your sound and hum along!

Have a great weekend, and I'll be back on Monday with not ONE, not TWO, but THREE entries (gotta keep that countdown straight!) - Stay Frosty!

Welcome to the Kitschmas Advent Calendar 2009! T-43 Days ... and Counting!!!

Greetings, my garrulous Grinches, and welcome to another spectacular edition of the Kitschmas Advent Calendar! For those of you new to the game, a brief bit of history is in order: The K.A.C. started a few years ago as a computer wallpaper contest between myself and my work-study students, as to who could find the absolute oddest holiday-themed wallpaper. There were some doozies, with my favorite being the "Gary Coleman and Mr. T Christmas" being the winner!

As most of my original students had graduated and gone on to better things, I would hear back from them about the contest, and we would continue to email new oddities as we found them. So last year (2008) I decided to expand it from just wallpaper to daily links to odd stories, photos, traditions, etc. - and opened it up to some of my other friends to share in the goofiness. The starting date coincided with the day that a local radio station (WODS-FM, Oldies 103.3FM - located at started playing Christmas and Holiday Music around the clock 24/7 (which in 2008 began, believe it or not, on Veteran's Day!) ... from Santa's Grotty Grotto to the simultaneous Best AND Worst Holiday Wallpaper of 2008 (of presents opening children for Christmas!), it (hopefully) lessened the stress of the season and gave everyone a good laugh.

This year, I'm expanding the K.A.C. to GLOBAL proportions! If you're reading this, you're either a veteran of last year's joy, or a Facebook friend - if you like what you see, feel free to pass this link on to friends of yours so THEY can enjoy it, too! I will be updating this on a daily basis, Monday-Friday, all the way down to Christmas, so check back EVERY DAY for the next batch of jaw-dropping wonder!

So there you have it ... I have another great batch of December Lunacy to spring upon you all, from Robot Carols to the Yule Pooping Log, from Krampus (the Anti-Santa) to the Very First Appearance of St. Nick on Film ... and it all begins just as soon as Oldies 103.3 starts their ... why, wait - what's this I hear??? DO MY EARS DECEIVE ME??? NO, THEY DON'T!!! :):):)

Go to the link above, click on Holiday Music, and enjoy it with me! Oh, did I forget to mention that I play the Holiday Music ALL DAY LONG AT WORK, EVERY DAY, FROM NOW TO CHRISTMAS??? Don't you wish you worked here? ;) Of course you do!


Well, then, let's get this party started! We begin with a link to 8 Truly Strange Christmas Customs, with the aforementioned Krampus, the Anti-Santa, and the Yule Pooping Log, among others ... this will give you an idea what you're in for!

Fasten your seat belts, take that Egg Nog straight, no chaser, and report back here tomorrow, Santa Soldier! That's an order! See you then!