Monday, November 16, 2009

K.A.C. 2009 - T - 38 ...

Wake up, my sugar-plum sleepyheads! I've got a Christmas story of a "different" type to tell you about today ... it's all about a boy who liked to go to the movies. Well, one sunny Friday in 1984, right before Christmas, while living in Minneapolis, Minnesota, he decided to play hooky and not go to work - he thought he'd take the day off and go to the movies instead! So off he went (after calling in "sick") downtown to the Skyway Theater to see an intriguing little holiday film called SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT - all about a disturbed young man who dons a Santa outfit and starts to off people in various holiday-themed ways.

He had seen the trailer and thought: "Now THAT looks interesting - I need to see this!" Did I mention he was a fan of horror films? Did I mention he liked "slasher" films, as well? Did I also mention he was supposed to be home in bed, calling in sick to work? Keep that last point in mind ...

So off I went ... umm, I mean, off "he" went ... to see the Very First Show at 10:30AM. Let others go off to their jobs, he said, I'M going to watch a cool film! Popcorn and drink in hand, he was directed by the ticket-taker to the (admittedly skeevy) basement theater, where the more "disreputable" films played. Looking around, he saw a handful of like-minded souls, as well as a few who were sleeping their drinking binges of the night before off, and settled in to his front-row center seat ... when all of a sudden, what to his wondering eyes should appear? Nope, not Santa! With a "WHOOSH!" like a THOUSAND SUNS, a GIGANTIC floodlight comes on in the back of the theater, accompanied by the whirring of cameras, and a local TV news investigative reporter screaming into her microphone: "We're here to see just WHAT KIND OF SICK INDIVIDUAL WOULD PAY MONEY TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT SANTA CLAUS SLAUGHTERING INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!"

(A bit of an aside here: while I - NO, "HE!HE!" - was settling in, getting ready to enjoy the show, I missed the fun OUTSIDE - namely, the THRONG of Outraged Parents who had organized a protest of this SICK FILM --- now, mind you, there had been slasher films before this, but none that trod the Sacrosanct Santa tradition! So they had the placards up, the chants going, and had called the TV stations to cover it on the news ... which is where we pick up the story ...)

Upon hearing the Voice of God and being bathed in the Light of Purity, I (DARN IT! ...) "HE" let out a horrified "EEEEEEK!" and, reverting to his best military school training, did a beautiful duck-and-cover off the seat, rolled ACROSS the candy-covered floor and scuttled {along with the roaches} to the Men's Room, where he bravely hid for 5 - 10 minutes. I did mention he was supposed to be home sick, right? That would have been rather hard to explain when his co-workers saw the news that night ...

Thankfully, I managed to just miss the trailers ... (OK, I give up, it was ME - I ADMIT IT! :) ). The film was just as bad as people made it out to be, a minor entry in the slasher genre, but memorable to me for the near-miss of being on TV thanks to Slasher Santa.

Whew! Now WHY did I tell you all this, you ask? BEEEE-CAUSE the Brattle Theater here in Boston, in the spirit of the season, is SHOWING the film on December 12th as part of their "Ho-Ho-Horrors" Film Festival (from December 11th - 13th). Here's a peek at the original trailer!

It's playing with 1974's BLACK CHRISTMAS, which I also saw when it first came out ... but that's another story. ;)

A quick note: I'll be out tomorrow, but Thursday I'll be back with two entries, including a little-know fact about Santa ... remember the whole "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake"? Ever wonder HOW he knows that? Would you believe it's because he can WALK THROUGH WALLS???!!! It's TRUE! The SHOCKING footage right here Thursday! See you then!

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