K.A.C. 2018 - T - 18 ...

     Now that you're awake after having THAT image burned into your retinas, let's give you the answers to yesterday's Kwiz - ready?

# 1 - Shirley Jones

# 2 - Natalie Wood

# 3 - Elvira (Cassandra Peterson)

# 4 - Tom Hiddleston 

# 5 - Frank Sinatra

# 6 - Yvonne Craig

# 7 - Elizabeth Taylor

# 8 - Barbra Streisand

# 9 - Betty Grable

# 10 - Justin Timberlake (with a certain part of his anatomy NOT in a box!)

# 11 - A two-fer! Seth Rogan and James Franco (sorry, Santa!)

# 12 - Marilyn Monroe

# 13 - A very young Judi Dench as Titania!

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     On to today's other topic - at the beginning of the month, one of my favorite browsing websites, io9.com, had a link with an arresting headline just PERFECT for K.A.C. readers and gamers alike, namely: 'Frosty the Snowman Is probably A Lich' - the article raises some excellent points, but it's in the reader's talkbacks AFTER the article that the TRUE way-out theories take flight! Give it a read - you'll never look at him (or ANY OTHER) snowman the same!

     https://kotaku.com/frosty-the-snowman-is-probably-a-lich-1830795893 

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     Coming Tomorrow: Our look at the best Christmas ads of 2018, including a few tearjerkers - bring your tissues!

K.A.C. 2018 - T - 19 ...

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     Good morning! Time for our 2018 edition of Kringle's Khristmas Kuties Quiz! Above you will find a baker's dozen Christmas photos (and the like) of celebrities through the ages ... all YOU have to do is identify each one! Answers tomorrow --- NO CHEATING! Remember: He KNOWS when you've been naughty ... 

     Back tomorrow with the answers!

K.A.C. 2018 - T - 20 ...

     Oh, how sweet! A bottle of Christmas wine to open and share ... just as soon as we clear the assorted BUGS away from it! How did they get in, anyway? Trust us, you're NOT going to like the answer.

     Various news sources around the country have been reporting this year on the Christmas trees you bring home being infested with BUGS, the most notorious of the lot being the spotted lanternfly (seen at left). Read all about your new neighbors the moment you bring them into your warm, cozy home here:
  
     https://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2018/10/christmas_tree_threat_invasive_bug_spotted_lantern.html?utm_campaign=njcom_sf&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_content=nj_facebook_njcom&fbclid=IwAR0jlY9mEm6TL3D2lE59LfcQQnZNf2fmgL2LpHazl9SR4kjbf3VE_X_6g3Q

     But let's not stop there - 'tis the season! Since you've already opened up your house to guests for the holiday, here's a (LONG) list of who else is coming to visit (and by long, I mean 25,000 bugs in ONE TREE) ... from aphids (pictured) to ticks, they're ALL in your trees and waiting for an invite!  Take a look!

     https://www.wcvb.com/article/christmas-tree-bugs/13926565 

     My favorite part of this article is how to avoid these Christmas Critters: "The good news is if you go to a farm, most have mechanical tree shakers to take care of crawling critters. "A mechanical shaker will usually dislodge any potential intruders and eggs, in addition to getting rid of loose pine needles," Nancy Troyano, a medical entomologist and director of technical education and training for pest control company Rentokil Steritech, told Realtor.
You can also shake the tree yourself in the parking lot." Uh, huh ...or you can use MY patented method see below ...

    

     MUCH more effective!

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     Coming Tomorrow: The 2018 edition of our Kringle's Khristmas Kuties Kwiz - get those thinking caps on!

K.A.C. 2018 - T - 21 ...

     Welcome back! Today we tell you about the first of our Winter Wonderland Washouts ... ever since I started this blog, EVERY SINGLE YEAR there has been some variation of this disaster, and this year is no exception! Bootsie's not happy about it, are you, Bootsie? Well, let's let these kind folks know what's got you fur all tangled, shall we?

      Let's go back to the source this year for all things Santa-like. Where, you say? Why, beautiful Lapland, of course! Home of Santa's reindeer! Home of sleigh rides, snowmobile races and husky races - sound like fun? You bet it does! And a HUGE number of tourists from the UK and elsewhere all head over there this time of year to awe and delight their little tykes with the wonder of it all. And what's the one common thing all these events need to pull it off? Wait for it ... what's ALSO the one thing that is NOWHERE to be found this year in beautiful Lapland? If you answered SNOW, go to the head of the class!

     Yep, that ol' debbil global warming has caught up to Santa Park and the other tourist attractions - and the parks are doing SERIOUS damage control in order to try and save their (dry) seasons, to the point of BANNING their 'Elves' from reporting this on social media! Sadly for them, the cat is already out of the bag (see what I did there, Bootsie? Just for you!) 



   
     Read TWO accounts, along with some pretty sad pictures, of what these arid meccas look like at the moment, and how the owners and operators are PRAYING for a Christmas Miracle ... so they don't lose their shirts!

  
     https://www.thesun.co.uk/travel/7788969/no-snow-in-lapland-ruins-holidays/

  
     https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/lapland-no-snow-scli-intl/index.html
    
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     Coming Tomorrow: A new 'addition' to your Christmas Tree headlines our breaking news tomorrow - be warned!

K.A.C. 2018 - T - 22 ...

    

Welcome back! For our third entry, I was looking back over past year's topics and started thinking, "What is the most incongruous show from my youth that would have tackled Christmas?" Being a kid in the 1960s (and a Monster Kid at that, meaning I was into the whole 'Monster Craze' of the time, not that "I" was a monster kid ... ahem ... moving on), the obvious answers would be either THE MUNSTERS or THE ADDAMS FAMILY, both of which are too easy, as both DID have Christmas-themed shows. Then I hit on it! What show, more than any other of the time period, would be absolutely the least likely to celebrate Christmas? Indeed, how COULD this show pull it off? I'm talking about an old time favorite of mine, DARK SHADOWS, the afternoon gothic horror soap opera by creator Dan Curtis, full of vampires, werewolves, witches and the like, that ran from 1966 to 1971. 

      Well, the answer is, to the best of my knowledge, they DIDN'T, but that did not stop an enterprising YouTuber with the appopriate handle 'Slave Of A Vampire' from adapting Bob Rivers' parody tune, The 12 Pains Of Christmas', with DARK SHADOWS clips! For fans of the show (and you know who you are), it's an absolute treat! Give it a look here:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7zsteBQllY

     

      And speaking of monsters of all sorts, our K.A.C. mascot, Krampus (the handsome lad seen at right) wanted to let you know of some LATE-BREAKING NEWS ... hie thee to the West Coast this Friday for a one-time event, something I can't even begin to describe ... Laura found it and sent it on to me and I can do no less for you, my faithful followers. If you are anywhere NEAR the California area, THIS is the event to be at!   

https://thegreenmanstore.com/event/odinkrampus-vision-quest-2018/ 

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     Coming Tomorrow: The FIRST of our annual reports on Woeful Winter Wonderlands, 2018 style ... thanks to the most unlikely villain of all! How bad is it? Santa's Elves are under a gag order not to talk about it! That and more await you tomorrow!

K.A.C. 2018 - T - 23 ...

     For our second entry in the K.A.C., we salute film and television composer Milton DeLugg on this, his centennial birthday. 

     Mostly known for his television compositions, DeLugg had a gift for the bizarre and the kitschy (which is why he fits so perfectly here). As Wikipedia states: "For decades, Delugg was NBC's musical director. In 1966, he was briefly musical director of The Tonight Show Band during the tenure of Johnny Carson.
Delugg enjoyed a long association with Chuck Barris, beginning as arranger of the original theme to The Newlywed Game in 1966. From 1976 to 1980, he was musical director of The Gong Show (appearing with his "Band With a Thug"). Delugg often appeared on the show as a comic foil, in the characters of bad joke teller Naso Literatus and philosopher Old Drool. Delugg's venerable "Hoop Dee Doo" became a fixture on The Gong Show, and was used whenever the contest winner was chosen.
Delugg also wrote the theme music for other Barris projects including The $1.98 Beauty Show, Camouflage (where, in a throwback to an earlier era of game shows, the music was actually performed live by Delugg and his band), Leave It to the Women, Three's a Crowd, and The New Treasure Hunt. He also recorded new versions of the theme songs to the 1970s versions of The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game, as well as providing the themes for their 1980s revivals. Delugg and sidemen Mark Stevens, Billy Neale, and Ray Neapolitan appeared in Barris's The Gong Show Movie (1980) as The Hollywood Cowboys.
Delugg remained active as musical director of the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade through 2013, and made one final, on-camera appearance during the 2014 parade." 

     His film composing career was equally eclectic, specializing in soundtracks for American releases of German and Japanese animated children's films, such as Gulliver's Travels Beyond the Moon (Japanese, 1965), which I saw at a children's matinee back in the day ... mind-numbing doesn't BEGIN to do this picture justice, and DeLugg's saccharine tunes just made the experience more 'memorable' ... 






























    
     Other titles from the same time period included Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Germany, 1955), Cinderella (Germany, 1955), Sleeping Beauty (Germany, 1955) and Puss in Boots (Germany, 1955) - a Very Busy Year!


     
     But the film we're MOST interested in and the reason we're celebrating him comes from 1964, the one, the ONLY perennial holiday favorite for discerning children and adults alike (of a certain type), SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS! 


     
     The title alone should warn you off if you're not familiar with it. The film has had a MUCH longer shelf life than it ever deserved, thanks to the fact that the young Girl Martian (named Girmar = 'Girl Martian' - sigh - and before you ask, yes, she has a brother named Bomar = 'Boy Martian' ... that's about how intellectual the script gets!) was played by future starlet Pia Zadora!



     
     The film is an annual rite of passage for unfortunates who've never seen it before, livened up by commentary via MST3K (which is the BEST way to see this). It also brings us back to Milton, who contrived the insidious earwig main theme for this monstrosity, entitled "Hooray For Santa Claus"! How bad could it be, you ask? Well, feed a children's chorus an overdose of SweetTarts and other sugary goodness, give them the simplest of lyrics to mangle and make DAMN SURE they can't pronounce the word SANTA and turn it into 'SANTY' over and over and over again ... and you get the idea! But far be it from me to let the less fortunate of you not hear this classic ... just click on the link below and watch the end scene and end credits of the film (the chubbby-cheeked smiler on the bottom left of your screen is young Pia, BTW) - make sure you have your speakers up LOUD for the full experience! 


     
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk0ns_WyDak



    
     But what about the PLOT, you say? For those of you who can't bear to sit through the film but STILL want the experience, we have you covered, as well! I've written before about these films from my misbegotten youth and the occasional tie-ins that you'd find in the movie theatre lobby - namely, the Dell or Gold Key comic versions of the film! Well, never one to miss a way of getting MORE money from the young tykes (or their parents), this film had a Dell tie-in, as well (see picture at right). The best part: Mike at the awesomely appropriately named website The Wonderful World of Stupid! has scanned the ENTIRE comic for you to enjoy!  And just like the FILM that makes no sense, some of the pages of the comic are scanned out of order, so THEY make no sense either! ENJOY !!!

     
     http://thewonderfulworldofstupid.blogspot.com/2011/04/santa-claus-conquers-martians-dell.html


     
     So a BIG Thank You to Milton DeLugg for leaving us this magnum opus to cheer us up at this time every year. Every composer hopes to be remembered for one song during their career; for us here at Conjure Cinema, we'll always remember (no matter HOW MUCH we try and forget it!) 'Hooray For Santy Claus!'  (And a tip of the Elf Hat to long time CC fan Ande Lyon for the centennial tip!)

    
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      Coming Tomorrow: We challenged ourselves to come up with the LEAST LIKELIEST show to have a Christmas Celebration attached to it ... and you'll be AMAZED at what we found! Place your bets what it is!

Welcome to the Kitschmas Advent Calendar 2018 !!! T - 24 Days ... and Counting !!!

     Good morning and WELCOME BACK to our 10TH YEAR of the Kitchmas Advent Calendar! Every day from now until Christmas morning, we'll be counting down the coming of the Big Day with reports on some of the ... "more unusual" aspects of the holiday season, shall we say ... I've been scouring the Internet for this year's batch of loons, including our finalist for How To Decorate A Tree {Minimalist Edition} shown at left. So without further ado, let's dive right in, shall we?

      Christmas stories are almost always filled with elements of fantasy, the fanciful and the fantastic, and recently I was introduced to one that has an amazing pedigree. Have you ever heard of the 'American Jack' tales? Well, you've certainly heard of 'Jack and the Beanstalk' and a number of British 'Jack' tales. Now imagine the beloved character of folklore was transported and somewhat changed when he arrived in America. That's exactly what happened in the Appalachians. Read this excerpt from Wikipedia: 
  
    "Jack is an archetypal Cornish and English hero and stock character appearing in legends, fairy tales, and nursery rhymes, generally portrayed as a young adult. Unlike moralizing fairy heroes, Jack is often portrayed as lazy or foolish, but through the use of cleverness and tricks he usually emerges triumphant. In this way, he may resemble a trickster.
Some of the most famous are "Jack and the Beanstalk", "Jack Frost", "Jack the Giant Killer", "Little Jack Horner" and "This Is the House That Jack Built". While these heroes are not necessarily congruous, their concepts are related and in some instances interchangeable. The notion of "Jack" is closely related and sometimes identical to the English hero John. He also corresponds with the German Hans (or Hänsel) and the Russian Iván.
 
      Richard Chase, an American Folklorist, collected in his book "The Jack Tales" many popular Appalachian Jack tales as told by descendants of Council Harmon. Council Harmon's grandfather, Cutliff Harmon, is thought to very possibly be the one who originally brought the Jack tales to America^. As pointed out by folklorist Herbert Halpert, the Appalachian Jack tales are an oral tradition as opposed to written, and like many Appalachian folksongs, trace back to sources in England. For instance, where the English original would feature a king or other noble, the Appalachian Jack tale version would have a sheriff. Some stories feature Jack's brothers, Will and Tom. Some Jack tales feature themes that trace to Germanic folk tales."

     I use the above excerpt to illustrate the very first 'American Jack tale' I discovered a few months back. My original thought was to follow up last year's K.A.C. articles about the forgotten Dickens Christmas Stories with some even lesser-known distaff Dickens, as it were, and sheerly by chance happened upon the 'Jack' Christmas tale. I was so delighted by it, I had to lead off this year's K.A.C. with the story, courtesy of the Appalachian History website - here you go!

      http://www.appalachianhistory.net/2016/12/jack-tale-for-christmas.html

   
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     Coming Tomorrow: A Centennial Salute to a composer who invented one of the ALL-TIME WORST Christmas Tunes that you CAN'T get out of your head! Consider yourself warned!