THE VIKING QUEEN (1967) (shown April, 1993)

Ah, Spring! The Sun returns, the flowers are in bloom and a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of ... bladed chariots of death??? Well, they did for me during the Spring of 1993. If you look at my previous posting, you see we showed DR. STRANGE in February. I was now on a roll and decided our March show would be one of my favorite classic fantasies, 1948's THE LUCK OF THE IRISH, about an American reporter meeting an Irish leprechaun and the Celtic confusion that followed. The Wee Folk had other ideas, however, and (taking a page from the name of our show) did a little conjuring of their own and smashed us silly with the Blizzard of '93, aka "The Storm of the Century" {which you can read more about here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1993_Storm_of_the_Century}

Under the circumstances, I had no choice but to admit defeat and cancel our March show, saving LUCK for the next year. Instead, I turned my sights to April and
our next feature, THE VIKING QUEEN. This was another 16mm print from the estate sale collection (see my June, 1991 entry) I had liquidated, and one I had neither seen nor heard of before. I sat down one evening to grade this (condition, color, etc.) and as it unspooled, a slow and steady grin covered my face. I knew I had found another gem for Conjure Cinema! If PREHISTORIC WOMEN (see my January, 1993 entry) hadn't already claimed the title of Silliest Film of All Time, this would be a very close second! It does deserve some honorific, though ... Goofiest, Cheesiest, hmmm ... got it - Most Historically Muddled! Don't believe me? Well, go see for yourself - take a look at the trailer ... no, it's all right, I'll wait: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtNp2BkObV4

Based V E R Y loosely on the legend of Boudica/Boadicea (see the Wikipedia entry here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boudicea), it starred the lovely and talen ... umm, lovely and enthusias ... hmm ... OK, the LOVELY Finnish model Carita (in her only screen role) as Queen Salina, the Viking Queen of the title - except she's not a Viking! As a matter of fact, there are NO Vikings in the film! As a fellow reviewer posted, why wasn't the film called THE CELTIC QUEEN? Guess it wasn't catchy enough!

Anyway ... Salina is made Queen after her father's passing and now has to find a way to co-exist with the Roman legions who have conquered the land. She has fallen in love with the Roman General-Governor Justinian (Don Murray), and he with her, so one would think this would be the end to both their problems, right? Wrong! There's always a fly in the ointment in films of this type (else you would have NO conflict), and it comes in the form of Justinian's second-in-command Octavian (Andrew Keir, last seen as Prof. Quatermass in our December, 1991 showing of FIVE MILLION YEARS TO EARTH).

Keir is EASILY the best thing about this film. You readily believe that here is a Roman soldier who's sick of being in this backward, foreign country; who wants nothing more than to get home and back to civilization and, barring that, is willing to take what he can get while he's stuck here, be it wine, women or treasure. God help anyone who gets in his way, including his commander. Octavian sees Justinian's love of Salina as a form of weakness, and plots his downfall, as well.

Speaking of Gods, another Big Bit of Weirdness in this film takes place when Salina's father is being buried by the Druid priests, they are all chanting paeans to Zeus ... ZEUS? DRUIDS? REALLY? Oh, yes ... it's in there and it's a head shaker! But that's STILL not the oddest thing about this film ...

The REALLY strange part (seen briefly at the 1:00 mark in the trailer above) is the casting of Nita Lorraine as the "Nubian Girl Slave" - all well and good, except for the fact that she's a WHITE woman in pretty obvious makeup! Really, Hammer??? You couldn't find ONE BLACK ACTRESS in all of England to be in your film ??? It's a small, throwaway part, but still unsettling, nonetheless. See for yourself: http://www.aveleyman.com/ActorCredit.aspx?ActorID=26741

There is also an apocryphal story attached to this film that during a battle scene that one of the soldiers is seen wearing a wristwatch - this may have sprung up as an offshoot of the 1960 Kirk Douglas film SPARTACUS, where not only can slaves and soldiers be seen wearing wristwatches, but Tony Curtis' character Antonius can be seen sporting a rather spiffy Rolex, as well!

Getting back to the plot - the Druids are against Salina and Justinian's romance and start killing off Roman soldiers in the Sacrificial Druid Pit (TM), sending Justinian and his troops out to quell the uprising. While he's gone, Octavian decides it's payback time for the Viking Queen and her followers and drags Salina out in front of everyone for a good old-fashioned whipping! Justinian, upon his return, hears what has happened and goes off to try and stem the growing tide of revolt. He is far too late, as Salina has taken up armor and called forth her people to attack - as she tells him, "This is not the dream we made, my darling." The final battle takes place, Octavian gets his (YAY!) and Salina (rather surprisingly) dies, as well - no happy ending for our star-crossed lovers here!

So it all comes down to one question: can I recommend you watch this? It doesn't fall into the same 'guilty pleasure' category that PREHISTORIC WOMEN or some other of our previously-reviewed titles do, and while Carita is beautiful eye candy, her emoting makes you feel like YOU are the one being whipped ... I'd say yes, but only if you're in the right mood for it. If Andrew Keir weren't in it as the film's saving grace, then probably not. If you are looking for a do-it-yourself home version of MST3K, though, this is indeed your film (as my audience proved by rising to the occasion). It is available on DVD as a double feature with THE VENGEANCE OF SHE (a future blog entry).

Next Time: Conjure Cinema breaks out the silly glasses and presents it's FIRST 3-D feature, the 1961 Aztec-sacrifice/Canadian screamfest THE MASK! "Put The Mask On NOW" !!!

DR. STRANGE (1978, TVM) (shown February, 1993)

The Marvel Universe, as we know it today, is a fabulous thing. As I write this, IRON MAN 2 has just opened to (as Hollywood would say) boffo box office, and is another link in the puzzle to what many believe will be the ultimate superhero film: THE AVENGERS. Marvel Films are hot properties now, attracting A-list actors and directors. But it wasn't always that way ...

Let's set the Wayback Machine to 1978. A decade had gone by since the combined animated adventures of Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four, and CBS had already tried out (with mixed success) a live show called "The Amazing Spider-Man" (with Nicholas Hammond), as well as their smash-hit "The Incredible Hulk" (with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno). The network was willing to spend the money on other stars in the Marvel firmament, and pinned their hopes that the Next Big Thing would be the comic company's Sorcerer Supreme, Dr. Stephen Strange.

They could not have been more wrong. Why? For what I call the Curse of Comics - let me explain. Most of the movers and shakers in Hollywood look down on comics, think of them as kid fare (and, to be fair, there has been a lot of that), ignoring the fact that comics as a whole have matured over the years, with intricate plots meant for a more grown-up audience ... an audience that wants to SEE these mature plots on the screen. Instead, we get screenwriters, producers and directors who think they know the characters ("oh, it's just another superhero who wears his underwear on the outside", etc). With their very basic "knowledge" of the character, rather than adapting a PERFECTLY GOOD STORY directly from the comics, they decide to "improve" on the character and story, totally destroying what made it good in the first place.

Case in point: in the comics, Dr. Stephen Strange is one of Marvel's most tragic and haunted characters. A brilliant, gifted neurosurgeon; a man brimming with hubris and ready for a fall. That comes with a car accident that leaves him alive, but permanently damages his hands, leaving him unable to operate. He travels the world seeking any and all cures, finally winding up in the Himalayas, where (through trials that would take too long to tell here) he is instead instructed in the Mystic Arts by an Ascended Master known as The Ancient One. Strange over many years becomes a Master himself and one of Earth's greatest guardians against all astral and supernatural threats.

Compare that description to this: Dr. Stephen Strange (Peter Hooten) is a resident psychiatrist at a New York hospital who never seems to make the staff meetings on time. A young woman is admitted to his care as a Jane Doe, a woman he has seen in a strange (no pun intended) dream. In it, Stephen watched her push an old man over a rail, while another woman watched with intense glee. The patient is in shock and can't remember her name; she only insists that if she falls asleep she will die.

The back story to all this is that the gleeful creature is none other than Morgan Le Fay (Jessica Walter), exiled to Hell for her failure to defeat Merlin 500 years ago. The film opens with Satan (a well-done speaking stop-motion animated model) giving her another chance to roam the Earth and get the Infernal One his denied victory. Merlin (John Mills) is old and weary and now goes by the name of Lindmer. He has "worked his spells and calculations" and knows Morgan is about to return to strike at him. Satan warns her that she has "three days to bring me my victory ... and only three!" If she can't defeat Merlin/Lindmer, then she must strike at his successor ... guess who?

Morgan challenges Lindmer on a bridge and tricks him by temporarily possessing college student Clea Lake (Eddie Benton). [An interesting aside: the actress playing Clea later changed her stage name to Anne-Marie Martin and was married to famous (and recently deceased) author Michael Crichton]. Clea pushes Lindmer over the bridge rail, goes home, keeps seeing her deed over and over (as well as Morgan everywhere she looks) and runs off screaming into the night, where she becomes a ward of Dr. Strange. All clear? Good - moving on.

Lindmer has performed Healing Touch on himself and is only slightly worse for wear over the bridge episode, and sends his pupil and protege' Wong (prodigious character actor Clyde Kusatsu) to find both Clea and Strange. Upon hearing Wong's report, Lindmer pays Strange a visit at the hospital, explaining that he (Strange) and Clea have a psychic bond, and that Clea's brush with evil is something that traditional medicine alone will not be able to cure. He leaves his card with Strange, asking him to stop by, but warning the doctor that there is danger in it for him, as well.

Meanwhile, Dr. Taylor, the Chief of Psychiatry at the hospital, has overridden Strange's orders to let Clea stay awake and has given her a tranquilizer, which immediately sends her into a coma. Strange realizes now his only hope of saving Clea lies with Lindmer. Upon arriving at Lindmer's home, Strange is told of his inherent power, a rare gift that few have. Lindmer knows that Strange is the next in line for the position of Sorcerer Supreme, but he has to come by it willingly. Strange is a rationalist, however, and rejects anything magickal or supernatural. He is only there to help save Clea.

Fair enough - Lindmer explains that to save her he must send Strange on an astral journey to reclaim Clea's soul. Here we get the highlight of the film - Strange's journey and astral projection flight is a mixture of the opening of THE TIME TUNNEL and the old ABC Movie of the Week, with him and Clea tumbling and flying through otherworldly realms. Morgan, however, is not going to be that easily defeated, and sends lesser demon Balzeroth to stop Strange. Lindmer had provided for this by giving Strange a spell to say, stopping the demon in his tracks and defeating Morgan. Clea is returned safely to her body, Strange to his, and Satan is pissed. He shows Morgan the horrible fate he has in store for her if she fails him again ... burning in oil? On the rack for all eternity? No, even worse ... the loss of her good looks! Yes, wrinkled crone-dom in Hell is the worst punishment of them all, judging by her horror.

Clea, cured and no longer a patient of Strange, agrees to go on a date with him. He stops by Lindmer's house to politely decline the job offer of Sorcerer Supreme and wishes Lindmer and Wong well. On the way out, it begins to rain. As he exits, he notices a black cat crying by the door. Good-hearted soul (and naive magickal simp) that he is, he carries it across the threshold and goes on his way, completely negating Lindmer's protective barriers around his house. Wong is the first to discover the cat, who slowly transforms into Morgan. They face off for a magickal battle, with energy bolts flying, but Wong is no match for her and goes down. Morgan proceeds to Lindmer's study and the battle is renewed, with her power too much for the old man, as well. Finding that his guards are still in place, she calls upon the demon Asmodeus to transport him to her realm, where she can destroy him at her leisure.

Strange's date quickly goes south when Clea sees Morgan in her mirror and slips into an unconscious relapse. Morgan promises to leave Clea alone if Strange will come with her. In her cozy corner of Hell, Morgan tempts Stephen with all the powers he could have; gold, sex, lightning bolts from the fingertips ... the usual. All he has to do is take off his Ring of Power (a ring Stephen's father gave him with an Ancient Symbol - seems Dad and Lindmer knew each other and Stephen has been watched over his whole life until the time was right - shades of Harry Potter). To boast of her triumph, she even takes Stephen to see Lindmer - blank-eyed and tangled in a mess of gnarled limbs. Demanding he choose and join her, he finally (FINALLY!) gets a clue and snaps out of his reverie, shouts "NO!" and joins her in battle. Lindmer was correct - the boy IS a natural and defeats Morgan.

Stephen astrally brings Lindmer back to his house, and finally agrees to take on the role he was destined for. He does ask one last question, "What will I be called upon to do?" Lindmer's response: "Become more than a man. And renounce such Earthly pleasures as are given to men who are only mortal: the pleasure of ignorance, or offspring, or an easy death." Strange: Will I be asked to give up even love?"
Lindmer: "The universe is love. That you shall have."

And what, you ask, about Morgan? Well, true to his word, Ol' Scratch has sent her on a one-way ticket to Crone-ville, where she screams her lungs out in impotent fury until Beelzebub's Bovines come home ... or does she? Why, what's this? In the coda to the film, Strange is late to the hospital meeting (again), has a date with Clea (again), but this time as they pass an electronics store, all the TV's are focused on a reporter interviewing the newest self-help guru, the author of the "LeFay Method", Morgan herself. Can you say setting up for the eventual series?

Clea has no memory of Morgan or what happened, and Stephen sees her home. Walking through Central Park, he comes upon a street magician (Larry Anderson) and messes with him, turning his bouquet of flowers into a dove, surprising both the magician and the audience! With a knowing smile, Stephen faces the future, we freeze-frame to the credits, and in his last bit of magick, disappears into obscurity.

DR. STRANGE certainly had the potential to continue as a series. Peter Hooten looked the part (aside from the unfortunate choice of curly hair and porn 'stache (see above) which was the fashion of the time) and did a good job selling some pretty unbelievable scenarios. All of the other actors perform admirably, with John Mills particularly outstanding as Lindmer. The special effects choices were ingenious for what they accomplished on a TV-budget (TV Guide at the time ran a two-page spread on the sets, costumes and effects), and a special mention should be made to composer Paul Chihara, whose score for this TVM went above and beyond the call of duty, especially for the rockin' fuzz guitar theme for Morgan. In a Six Degrees of Conjure Cinema bit of synchronicity, in this same year (1978), he would also compose the music for the TV miniseries THE DARK SECRET OF HARVEST HOME, one of our future shows and the topic of a blog entry to come.

Finally, let me leave you with one last question: when is a DR. STRANGE movie NOT a DR. STRANGE movie? Answer - when you try to get the rights to make one, are turned down by Marvel because your price was too low, and you go ahead and make one anyway, in all but name. It happened in 1992 and was released as DOCTOR MORDRID - and that's a story I'll tell you all about another time.

DR. STRANGE had a VHS release, but as of this date there is no official DVD release. If you know black magic (or the grey market), I'm sure you could conjure up a copy from the lesser demons eBay or ioffer.com - but on your own head be it!

Next Time: Will we be talking about THE LUCK OF THE IRISH or THE VIKING QUEEN? Begorra, me lads, we'll be talking about both! Join me and see why!

PREHISTORIC WOMEN (1967) (shown January, 1993)

We began the New Year with an entry from Hammer Films, 1967's SLAVE GIRLS (or PREHISTORIC WOMEN, as it was known in America). This is not to be confused with the 1950 Cinecolor cavewoman epic of the same name, nor should it be mistaken for the 1966 WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET, which was re-cut as a sequel (in name only) in 1968 as VOYAGE TO THE PLANET OF PREHISTORIC WOMEN. Confused yet? Believe me, it only helps for this muddled mess.

Establishing African veldt footage (leaping gazelles, a pack of lions enjoying their McZebra Happy Meal, etc.) quickly gives way to a studio-bound African set and Great White Hunter David Marchand (Michael Latimer). He has to enter a forbidden area of the jungle, after the British Colonel he is acting as guide to shoots early and wounds a leopard. Ignoring the warning of his First Boy and porters, David treks on and puts the leopard out of it's misery. He is instantly surrounded by the fearsome tribe of the country, who tell him he is to be put to death for his sacrilege in killing a protected creature in the Land of the White Rhino.

By the way, if you love rhinos (white or otherwise), this is your movie! There's a White Rhino Mountain, two fake white rhinos, blondes and brunettes who worship and dance for white rhinos, fierce African natives known as "The Devils of Darkness" who wear rhino masks ... the whole movie is rhino-rific! If you don't like rhinos, you, my friend, are on the (rhino) horns of a dilemma with this time-killer.

David is frogmarched to the Cave of the White Rhino where he is told of his death sentence, learning that the evil whites were responsible for hunting the White Rhinos to extinction. The legend goes that when the tribe was about to kill the whites for their crime, they convinced the natives they would give them an even better God and created a (pretty convincing, actually) White Rhino statue. For buying into this scam, the natives were cursed and every white man must be killed until the re-appearance of the White Rhino or the destruction of the statue. About to be speared to death, David reaches out and touches the horn of the false God, which instantly freezes everyone in place and opens the back wall of the cave, transporting him to Prehistoric Times with lots (and lots) of ... you guessed it, Prehistoric Women!

The first one he meets is the tiny blonde Saria (Edina Ronay), who is trying to escape the domination of the evil (brunette) Queen Kari (Martine Beswick). Quick side note: in this film, blonde = good, brunette = bad. OK? Good. Continuing ... Saria gets re-caught by Kari's guards, who bag the stranger, as well, and they are brought before the Queen. Saria is led off to be punished, while Queen Kari likes the looks of the handsome newcomer. Oddly enough, all the women speak perfect English, and odder still, these ladies have access to Max Factor and Maybelline in prehistoric times, as false eyelashes, eyeliner and makeup abound!

Queen Kari makes it known David will be her sex toy (in so many words; this IS 1967, after all). When he spurns her advances, she throws him in with the other men until he is willing to crawl back to her. A sorry lot, this - emasculated and enchained, they have lived too long as slaves and their spirits are broken. David makes friends with an old man, who explains that he has been a slave as long as he can remember.

A fearsome ceremony then occurs, as one of the blondes is ritually chosen as The Bride of the White Rhino and given as a sacrifice to the Devils of Darkness. This is Kari's way of keeping rebellion down and her own band safe. The Chosen One is dressed up with flowers and put on the back of the White Rhino statue, while her golden-tressed sisters pay homage and say their silent goodbyes, knowing they will never see her again. Saria knows it is only a matter of time before it's her turn and begs her sisters to rebel against Kari, saying she is sure the stranger will help. They tell her he is in prison with the other men, so she tells them her cunning plan ...

Sneaking into the prison under the cover of darkness, Saria convinces David to agree to be Kari's boy toy. He asks her if she really wants him to do that, as he is in love with her and she with him. She bites her lip and says yes, as it's the only way for the plan to succeed. David agrees and goes before Kari, who proceeds to humiliate him and take him to bed. Later, in front of the entire tribe, Kari does a seductive dance for David and demands he bring food and drink to her cave, so she can satisfy ALL her hungers. This is too much for Saria, who screams "I free you from your promise!", as she can't stand the idea of her beloved with the Evil Queen. Upon finding out the truth, Kari goes ballistic, throws David back into the men's prison, promising he'll NEVER see the light of the Sun again ... and makes instant plans for a new Bride of the White Rhino ceremony ... starring Saria.

The stage is set for the rebellion. David has his chains broken and rallies the men to attack the brunette guards, while Saria is on the verge of being sacrificed. He rushes to her aid, unmasking the Devils as ferocious jungle tree-dwelling natives (the hint of cannibalism is whiffed here, as well). Following his example, the other men and the blondes follow David's lead, taking the battle to the jungle. Kari orders everyone to be killed and, in the middle of the battle, spies the reappearance of the White Rhino, in the knobbly flesh! Kneeling before her God and averring that He would never hurt her, Kari makes her last wrong choice. She is impaled and flung aside (in a particularly unfortunate effect, as you can EASILY see this isn't a real rhino, but the self-same statue ON WHEELS being pulled at a rapid clip through the set like a kid's pull toy gone horribly awry).

With Kari dead and the Devils defeated, the blondes and the men revel in their hard-fought freedom. David promises to stay with Saria, but she tells him the other part of the legend: that when the stranger had freed them, he would go back to his own world and never be seen again. He turns away, and - ZAP! - is back touching the White Rhino horn from the beginning of the film. Everyone unfreezes, a giant crack is heard, the statue disintegrates and the curse is lifted! The tribe frees David, seeing him as their deliverer, and gleeful dancing ensues.

Upon his return to camp, the heartbroken David is pondering what he just experienced. Was it a dream? Was it real? Was it a hallucination? His First Boy tells him he was in the cave for only a moment, but upon reaching into his shirt pocket, he pulls forth the White Rhino emblem that Saria wore about her neck. Pondering this new angle to the mystery, he is called out of his tent to meet the new arrivals to camp, including the Colonel's daughter Sara ... who in one of the hoariest (dare I say Prehistoric) cliches of films of this type, is the spitting image of Saria. A new love is born and White Rhinos rejoice everywhere! :)

Sounds like fun, right? Where to begin ... well, let's be honest. The ONLY good thing that saves this stinker is Martine Beswick. Leading man Michael Latimer is a total stiff and it's a mystery as to why he was cast. Hammer had many good leading men, such as Francis Matthews, John Richardson and Robert Urquhart, who could have done this role in their sleep. At no time is Latimer convincing in the role, seeming far too callow to be an experienced hunter. Edina Ronay is equally miscast, being fine eye-candy, but at 5'4", her climactic fight against Martine looks ludicrous.

The film has a LOT of filler; dancing, dancing and MORE dancing. Natives, blondes, native blondes, blonde natives, even the fake Rhino jiggles a bit. Can't figure out where to go next in the script? Throw in another dance! Not all of it is bad - Martine's dance is one of the highlights in the film. She knew her sex appeal and how to use it. She had previously done so in TWO James Bond films (FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE and THUNDERBALL), as well as going up against Raquel Welch in Hammer's ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. in 1966 as the wickedly seductive Nupondi, who drove the cavemen wild by ... dancing. Sadly, no White Rhinos were in that production.

Martine did have this to say about the filming, "We giggled a lot on the set. It was probably the silliest film ever made." I had a chance to meet her many years ago at a FANEX film convention in Maryland and brought along a copy of the poster (pictured above) for her to sign for my friend Kate. Everyone was standing in line with THUNDERBALL and RUSSIA items, or ONE MILLION YEARS B.C photos, etc., and I finally got my turn. Unfolding the one-sheet poster, I asked her to sign it to Kate with the inscription "Happy Birthday, Kate ... and Beware the White Rhino!" She graciously did so and said, "I was wondering when THIS was going to turn up!" :)

To clear up one last mystery, WHY was this chosen for Conjure Cinema? One scene and one scene only: the MAGICAL transporting of David back to Prehistoric Times and back again at the end. The slenderest of threads to justify it's inclusion, but people bore up bravely. The film is available on DVD (sadly, NOT from Rhino Video!) through Amazon.com as part of a double feature with another Hammer opus THE WITCHES (aka THE DEVIL'S OWN), which was the second film we showed upon starting Conjure Cinema. Buy it and have your own White Rhino Dance Party!

Next Time: We dare to gaze at the unblinking Eye of Agamotto when we encounter Marvel Comics' Sorcerer Supreme in his only live-action feature, the 1978 TV-movie DR. STRANGE! Return, Fearless One, at the appointed time ... the Eye commands it!

7 FACES OF DR. LAO (1964) (shown December, 1992)

The cold, chill winds of December blew relentlessly upon the huddled, miserable masses in Boston in 1992 ... so I thought: "What better time to show a movie set in a desert town in Arizona?" Not just any film, mind you, but one that was near and dear to my heart, 7 FACES OF DR. LAO.

Before I talk about the film, however, a few words about the novel upon which it is based. THE CIRCUS OF DR. LAO was written in 1935 by Charles G. Finney. It can be read on a number of levels, from an enjoyable quick fantasy to the underlying tales of the human condition that are slyly hidden within. I have lost count how many times I have read this book; I wore out a number of paperback copies in my youth, have given away more copies to friends and have always had at least one copy in my collection at all times. Set in the town of Abalone, Arizona, it is filled with a typical cross-section of humanity, with all their foibles, vanities and shortcomings. Out of nowhere comes Dr. Lao, an Asian magician with a circus unlike any other: instead of lions, tigers and bears, his creatures are all from mythology and legend: The Golden Ass, the Sphinx, the Hound of the Hedges, a mermaid, The Medusa, and more. Each is there to teach a lesson to the people of Abalone ... if only they are wise enough to hear it.

Miracles are shown and disbelieved; magical scenarios are played out to an audience who, by the end, are certainly older but none the wiser. As each act builds on the one that came before, the townspeople become more and more caught up in the spectacle, but never grasp the important hidden meanings behind what they are seeing. It all leads up to the main attraction: the Pagan God Yottle and the obliteration of His followers for displeasing Him. As mysteriously as the circus appeared, it is gone again, leaving the puzzled townsfolk to wonder (some for the rest of their lives) just what they had seen.

This description only touches the surface of what is found in the book: for the men of the town (for example), there's the Adults Only tent: not filled with hootchie-kootchie girls doing lascivious dances, but the Real Deal - a young satyr on the verge of adulthood, peeping nervously at a wanton circle of nymphs. They know he's watching and tease and bother him with their dancing, getting closer and closer to him until they bound on him, cutting off his escape. As he submits to the pleasures of the flesh, one of the old codgers remarks, "Hot stuff!"

Hot stuff, indeed, especially for 1935 - and still too hot almost 30 years later when director George Pal brought the tale to the screen. The basic plot is still there, but many of the lessons have changed or been watered-down to make them more "family-friendly" - a number of the mythological creatures of the book are gone, and some have undergone a complete metamorphosis: instead of a quivering pubescent satyr, we are now treated to Pan, the God of Joy. The Medusa survives intact, as do the Serpent (supposedly the original serpent who tempted Adam and Eve), along with Merlin the Magician, Appollonius of Tyana and the Abominable Snowman.

Dr. Lao was played by Tony Randall, in what I consider to be his best role. George Pal originally wanted Peter Sellers for the role, but was overruled by the studio. I believe they made the right choice, as I fear Sellers would have steered the character too much into buffoonery. Randall had the role of a lifetime, and knew it: he played all of the roles listed above (voice only for the Serpent, as it was a stop-motion animated model, courtesy of Jim Danforth). Technically, he plays EIGHT roles in the film - during the final spectacle in the main tent of the circus, as the townfolk are wondering at the procession, there is a quick cameo of Tony Randall as ... Tony Randall, shaking his head at how woebegone and moth-ridden the various acts are!

The basic plot of the film concerns one Clinton Stark (Arthur O'Connell), who is trying to get all the citizens of Abalone to sell out of their dying town and move away. He has inside information that the railroad is coming, and is eager to make a killing. Opposing him is crusading newspaper editor Ed Cunningham (John Ericson), singlehandedly trying to save the town and the people from making the biggest mistake of their lives. Ed is in love with the beautiful, widowed town librarian Angela Benedict (Barbara Eden), a spinster before her time and mother of the OTHER hero of this tale, young Mike Benedict (Kevin Tate).

Most of the film is seen through Mike's eyes, who still has the awe and sense of wonder that a circus inspires in the young and young at heart. He hits it off with Dr. Lao and tries repeatedly to join the circus, but Lao lets him down as easily as possible every time.

Dr. Lao advertises in Ed's newspaper the coming of his circus, which is in town for only two nights, and everyone turns out, with each person being guided to a particular tent. Stark goes into the tent of the Great Serpent, and is surprised to see an exact talking reptilian version of himself, who not only completely humiliates him as being one of the poorest representations of the human race He has ever seen, but also knows the secret of the railroad. Stark panics until the Serpent explains that his secret is safe with Him.

Angela, meanwhile, is directed by Dr. Lao into the tent of Pan, the God of Joy. Adjusting her sight, she realizes she is alone in the tent, when an erotic air is sounded on the syrinx (or Pan Flute), and the magnificent Fertility God appears. He looks strikingly like Ed Cunningham, and the combination of His music, His dancing, and the scents in the stifling hot tent bring Angela back to a sensual (and sexual) re-awakening (see picture above) ... before other people enter the tent and she is horrified by what she sees in the full light.

Mrs. Cassin (Lee Patrick), the town gossip, has her comeuppance by having her future told by Appollonius of Tyana. Not realizing his curse of having to speak the complete truth to a customer, he delivers the films' most poignant lines about her bleak future: "Childless you are, and childless you will remain. Of that suppleness you once commanded in your youth, of that strange simplicity which once attracted men to you, neither endures, nor shall you recapture them ... When you die, you will be buried and forgotten, and that is all. And for all the good or evil, creation or destruction, your living might have accomplished, you might just as well never have lived at all."

The showstopper of the circus is the Medusa - as Dr. Lao points out, there's always one citizen in every town who thinks She's a fake and is turned to stone. Abalone is no exception, with the town harpy Kate Lindquist (Minerva Urecal) determined to prove Lao a charlatan. She whips around the curtain and mirror arrangement used to safely display the Medusa ... and is promptly turned to stone! Merlin, who has seen it all (and, we're led to believe, has had to do this conjuration before), turns her back ... she, at least, has learned her lesson.

While the townspeople are at the circus, Stark's henchmen trash the newspaper printing press, which Ed and his pressman discover and consider finally throwing in the towel. The next morning (thanks to Dr. Lao's magic), the press is good as new, and Ed prints an even more scathing attack on Stark, delivering the issue to him personally.

The second and final night of the circus is devoted to the Spectacle of Woldercan - imagine an IMAX presentation under the Big Top. It's a cautionary tale set in ancient times, about a rich, evil man willing to give people lots and lots of money ... just for a signature. Are they selling their property - or their souls? Even more disturbing is that everyone in the audience has a doppleganger on the screen, and none of them are covering themselves in glory. Finally, the Lord Above is wroth at the town and it's greedy, sinful people and destroys it utterly. The lights fade, the Big Top disappears ... and everyone finds themselves in the Town Hall, ready to put to a vote whether to sell out to Stark or not. The unanimously vote no, and Stark (who has had his own epiphany) tells them the truth.

His henchmen, disgusted by the turn of events, decide to bust up Dr. Lao's circus for revenge. Shooting the doctor's pet fish out of it's bowl, they are horrified to find one MORE attraction rarely seen - the Loch Ness Monster, who doubles his size every ten seconds when not in water! Reaching gargantuan size, it chases the villains, at one point cornering them and sprouting all seven heads of the different personas of the doctor.

Mike alerts the doctor, he gets out his rain-making machine to shrink Nessie back to goldfish size, and all is well. Mike tries one final time to join the circus, where Dr. Lao lets him down gently with one final lesson: "Mike, let me tell you something. The whole world is a circus if you know how to look at it. The way the sun goes down when you're tired, comes up when you want to be on the move. That's real magic. The way a leaf grows. The song of the birds. The way the desert looks at night, with the moon embracing it. Oh, my boy, that's... that's circus enough for anyone. Every time you watch a rainbow and feel wonder in your heart. Every time you pick up a handful of dust, and see not the dust, but a mystery, a marvel, there in your hand. Every time you stop and think, "I'm alive, and being alive is fantastic!" Every time such a thing happens, you are part of the Circus of Dr. Lao."

7 FACES OF DR. LAO is available on DVD and is required viewing for everyone reading this - it is a wonderful fable, and one with lessons to teach each and every one of us ... if only we are willing to listen.

Next Time: A new year (1993) of viewing dawns at Conjure Cinema, and we go straight from the sublime to the ridiculous, with 1967's PREHISTORIC WOMEN. If you are brave enough to face the Legend of the White Rhino, be there!

BLACK ORPHEUS (1959) (shown November, 1992)

Our second foreign feature was 1959's ORFEU NEGRO, known in America as BLACK ORPHEUS. Directed by Marcel Camus, it is a modern retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth, set during Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro. The film came to my attention unlike any before it: I was paid to watch it. I had been making overtime money as a projectionist for college courses, and one semester (during a Classics course) was called upon to show this film. I knew nothing about it, being more concerned with making sure the equipment and sound were working properly, but part of the job was staying on-site to troubleshoot should the occasion arise.

Imagine my surprise when this magnificent tale unfolded! The students with me at the time were the usual mix: some were interested, some were bored, some were asleep - and the rest had blown off the showing entirely. I was completely captivated, however, by the sheer kinetic energy that inhabited this film and threatened to drag the viewer in - the non-stop music, the dancing, the costumes (ESPECIALLY the costumes); all the elements that go into being the best at Carnaval time, no matter the cost.

The hero of the tale is Orpheu/Orpheus (Breno Mello), the most handsome man in the favela (shanty town) overlooking Rio. By day a streetcar operator and by night a singer and dancer, he is the acknowledged leader of his Samba School. They are practicing for the Judges' Prize at the upcoming Carnaval, and for bragging rights through the upcoming year. Orpheu is also (literally) the Golden Boy of the favela, with all the ladies in love with him and with his Sun costume a vision in gold (see the posters above). He is equated throughout the film with the Sun and Light - in fact, two of the local boys are convinced that Orpheu's guitar playing is what brings the Sun up each morning.

A disquieting symbol of foreshadowing comes early on, as the boys have a Sun kite they are trying to fly on their mountaintop meadow - it flies proudly for a few moments, then begins it's inevitable descent (with the boys frantically trying to stop it), mirroring Orpheu's descent to the Underworld to come. Orpheu is reluctantly engaged to the fiery Mira (Lourdes de Oliveira), a beautiful but controlling harpy. On the eve of Carnaval, she drags him to the town clerk's office for a marriage license. Upon hearing his name, the clerk innocently asks if Mira is Eurydice. Not knowing the legend, Mira becomes jealous, thinking Orpheu is seeing another woman.

The irony here is Orpheu already HAS seen Eurydice (Marpessa Dawn) - he just didn't know it. She arrives that same day and rides his trolley to the end, to get to her cousin's house. Her cousin Serafina (Léa Garcia) just happens to be Orpheu's next-door neighbor ... and so the table is set. Eurydice has not come to Rio for Carnaval, however ... she is there to escape Death. He has already come to her in person and she hopes to lose Him among the crowds.

Orpheu sees Eurydice again upon arriving home and is enchanted by her - she is everything Mira is not: quiet where Mira is brash, innocent where Mira is vulgar, etc. Orpheu loses his heart to Eurydice and, when Serafina's boyfriend arrives for the night, offers Eurydice his bed. He sleeps outside in a hammock, or tries to. To tame his haunting thoughts of Eurydice, he sings a gentle love song, which brings her to the door of his shack - and the lovers together.

The day of Carnaval dawns, with the native boys awaiting Orpheu's raising of the Sun with his guitar playing. Coincidentally, just then he plays to awaken Eurydice. Serafina sees that Orpheu has finally, genuinely fallen in love and arranges to have Eurydice dance in her place at Carnaval, wearing Serafina's costume and remaining veiled (in order to fool Mira). All goes well until Mira sees Serafina and her boyfriend in the crowd and rips Eurydice's veil off, vowing to kill her. As Eurydice escapes, Death (in a Carnaval costume of a skeleton) finds her again and chases her.

Eurydice escapes to the streetcar station, where a tense cat and mouse game begins between her and Death. Orpheu arrives to save her, and, unable to find her in the dark, switches on the lights in the station. Unfortunately, Eurydice was holding on to the trolley wire and is accidentally electrocuted by her lover. Death tells Orpheu: "Now she is mine", and Orpheu goes into a paroxysm of grief.

Her body borne away, Orpheu goes into denial and wanders the streets, determined to find her. He winds up at the police station and goes to the Missing Persons office on the twelfth floor. The janitor tells him there is no one there, only papers, and hearing Orpheu's plight, tells him he can help Orpheu find Eurydice. In a beautiful adaptive touch of the myth's Descent, Orpheu and the janitor are seen (from above) going down, down, down the spiral staircase to the red floor far below.

The journey doesn't end there - Orpheu is led to a local cemetary, guarded by a Great Dane named Cerberus (of course! :)) - inside the cemetary, he is led to a macumba ritual wherein he hears his beloved Eurydice calling from behind him, asking if he can just be content with her voice. He is warned that if he turns around, he will lose her forever, but (just as in the original story) the temptation is too much and he turns, angered to find Eurydice's voice coming from a possessed practitioner.

Orpheu's journey comes to it's predestined end, as he gets Eurydice's body from the morgue and promises they will be together always. He begins his trip up the mountain in the pre-dawn hours, only to arrive at the top to find his shack set afire by Mira in a jealous rage. Seeing the lovers, she throws a rock that hits Orpheu in the head and sends them tumbling over the mountain's cliff ... together at last in death.

The coda has one of the boys give the other Orpheu's guitar, telling him to play to bring up the Sun. The other boy protests he doesn't know how, but is encouraged to play anyway, and as he does, the Sun rises for another day. He is proclaimed "the new Orpheu", a little girl asks them to dance, and the circle of life, love, and death continues.

BLACK ORPHEUS is available on DVD in a magnificently sumptuous transfer as part of the Criterion Collection, and comes with an exhaustive book on the background and making of the film. It is a beautiful film, one that all Conjure Cinema fans should see.

Next Time: My personal favorite film of all time is discussed - THE 7 FACES OF DR. LAO! Be there!

RACE WITH THE DEVIL (1975) (shown October, 1992)

The summer of 1975 was a Hell of a good time for me. Why? It was the summer that I affectionately remember as the "Summer of Satanic Panic", thanks to two Devilishly fun drive-in films: June's RACE WITH THE DEVIL and July's THE DEVIL'S RAIN (the subject of a future entry here) - I managed to finally catch up to both (along with THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE) on a drive-in triple bill at the (sadly defunct) South Shore Plaza Drive-In. They don't make evenings better than that! :)

The story concerns two couples, Frank and Alice Stewart (Warren Oates and Loretta Swit) and Roger and Kelly Marsh (Peter Fonda and Lara Parker), who take an RV vacation together from San Antonio, Texas to Aspen, Colorado - two weeks of stress-free skiing, dirt-biking, and drinking. After driving all day, they pull off for the evening in a secluded, off-the-beaten-path area and settle in for the evening. Perfect creekside view, lovely full moon ... what could possibly go wrong?

Frank and Roger find out, as a bonfire erupts across the creek and a coven of devil worshippers begin their ritual. Taking their binoculars, the guys inch closer to get a better view - giggling with titillation at the nude female revelers, they're having a grand time ... until Frank witnesses a girl ritually sacrificed. Horrified, they run for the RV, just as Alice opens the door and yells at them to come in for the night. Frank screams for Alice to turn the lights off in the RV, but it's too late. The Satanists see them and come streaming across the river, murder in their eyes.

The film only runs 88 minutes, but it is more action-packed and bite-your-nails tense than most films twice as long. After a harrowing escape which includes the obligatory "RV stuck in the creek while the crazed Satanists get closer" scene, the couples begin the first of many fights for their lives. Two of the cultists smash in the back window and try to get in, with Roger hammering away at them, while another jumps on the main windshield, looking for all the world like the World's Biggest Bug (hey, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!) :)

There is a fifth main character in the film, and that is the RV itself. You have NEVER seen a machine take such a massive beating and keep going like this camper does. The more I watch RACE, the better the argument could be made for the RV as the modern equivalent of the medieval castle under siege, with the enemy getting more and more desperate to silence the couples forever.

After reporting the attack to the Sheriff in the nearest town (R.G. Armstrong), Frank and Roger are driven back out to the site to search for evidence. All traces are gone, except a big bloodstain ... and a dead dog. The Sheriff chalks it up to hippies all doped up and acting crazy, has his deputy take a sample of the blood, and drive the men back to his station. He apologizes for the mess, tells them go on and enjoy their vacation - if only it were that simple.

While the men are away, Alice and Kelly are cleaning the RV, when Kelly notices a slip of paper stuck to the shattered back windshield. It is a warning for the couple to be silent about what they've witnessed, or they'll be cursed ninefold, along with the runes of the spell itself.

Thoroughly shaken now, they get a temporary fix on the windshield and continue on to a RV park, hoping to regain their happiness. The girls go for a swim at the center's pool, where Kelly starts to get the uneasy feeling that ALL the people there are watching her ... and could be one of "them". They head back to the camper, and she tells Roger she wants to go home, which Frank vehemently rejects. As he points out, they've scraped for five long years to have this vacation, and they're going through with it.

Some neighbor campers come over and they all go out to the local honky-tonk bar to relax. Kelly gets the feeling again ... from the keyboard player in the band. Is he one? How about the gas station attendant? The librarian? That little old lady? As their neighbor says: "Witches? WITCHES?" Frank has to sheepishly shake his head, knowing it sounds foolish, but still ...

Coming back to the motor home, the couples are met with the terrible sight of Kelly's strangled dog, Ginger, hanging from the door (a further warning to keep silent). This just angers the men more, and they flee the RV park, to put as much distance between them and their pursuers. But it's not far enough, as they find out when they try to get some food from the cabinets - they are set upon by a pair of rattlesnakes ... in a rolling, skidding RV ... at night ...

This becomes the final straw for Frank and Roger. They stop at the next store they find and get a shotgun, shells and other weapons and go on the offensive. It's just as well that they do, for this final section of the film is where EVERYTHING ramps up. Among the beautiful, desolate Texas countryside they are set upon by the cultists in every kind of machine available, from cars to tow trucks to delivery trucks, all determined to ram them off the road and kill them. This is where the film truly shines, with some of the finest stunt work LONG before the advent of CGI, including a spectacular high-speed rollover car stunt that has to be seen to be believed. Peter Fonda estimated the car in question rolled 19 times, and it's a good guess. The car in question is seen briefly in the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqv6PIH_ymY
Speaking of the trailer, my hat's off to the ad man who came up with the classic line that absolutely sold me on making this the MUST-SEE film of the summer: "When you Race With the Devil, you'd better be faster than Hell!" :)

I won't spoil the ending here, except to say that Kelly was right, everybody IS after them and it seemed the ENTIRE state of Texas were witches ... every man, woman and child! This made for a WILD drive-in night at the end of the summer of 1975 for me ... except when I started to think about it as I left home and headed to my first year of college ... in, yep, you guessed it ... Austin, Texas. As this Northern boy crossed over the state line and stepped out of the car for gas at the station in Texarkana, Texas, his worst fears were confirmed. The attendant just stared and stared at me - then he called his mechanic out, who stared and stared at me ... and I thought "this is it, I'm a dead man, just like in the movie!" Turns out neither of them had ever seen plaid pants before ... but that's another story! :)

Next Time: We explore a truly haunting variation on the Orpheus and Eurydice myth with 1959's BLACK ORPHEUS. We hope you'll join us!

ONE TOUCH OF VENUS (1948) (shown September, 1992)

With our September show, we launched our first full-scale musical, ONE TOUCH OF VENUS. I admittedly had reservations about showing this, not knowing how a modern audience would react to it, but I need not have worried. The folks who were in attendance that evening were quite taken by the film, the plot, and the music, and it still holds up well today.

The film is based on a Broadway musical with a very interesting pedigree: music by Kurt Weill, book by S.J. Perleman and Odgen Nash (!), with lyrics by Nash, as well. The story was loosely based on the book The Tinted Venus by F. Anstey (Thomas Anstey Guthrie), who was also responsible for The Brass Bottle, which was turned into a charming fantasy starring Tony Randall and Burl Ives (an upcoming entry in my blog). All of this was, of course, adapted from and poking fun at the original Pygmalion myth.

The play starred Mary Martin, who was also going to star in the film. However, she got pregnant and the film rights were sold to Universal, who kept the plot and little else, dropping a good portion of Weill's original music and adding new songs by Ann Ronell, who coincidentally just happened to be director Lester Cowan's wife. While the music took a turn for the worse, the replacement actress in the title role was (pun fully intended) heaven-sent.

I'll admit right now that I can't be impartial when talking about this film, as Ava Gardner was (and is) my hands-down favorite old-school Hollywood actress. A stunning beauty, Ava (1922-1990) was the perfect choice for the Goddess of Love. The plot concerns a department store window dresser, Eddie Hatch (Robert Walker), who is called upon by store owner Whitfield Savory II (Tom Conway) to fix the sticking drapes of a $200,000 statue of Venus before it's unveiling to an admiring public (think Macys, but with it's own art gallery ... when was the last time you ever heard of a department store with it's own art gallery?) - as Eddie is working on a ladder to get things working smoothly, he sneaks a peek at the statue and, in a moment of impetuosity, gives it a kiss, magically bringing it to life.

Venus is delighted and smitten with Eddie and wants to experience more of the human feeling of Love, but only has a limited amount of time on Earth to do so. A whirlwind of unrequited love affairs complicates matters further, with Eddie's casual girlfriend at the store, Gloria (Olga San Juan), getting more and more aggressive with her talk about marriage; Eddie's best friend at the store Joe Grant (Dick Haymes) secretly in love with Gloria; and the wise-cracking bosses' secretary Molly Stewart (fabulously portrayed by Eve Arden) pining for the one man who doesn't notice her. With the Goddess of Love now roaming the Earth in human form, all of these relationships come crashing together in a comedic crazy-quilt.

Things go from bad to worse at the unveiling, with the statue missing and Savory calling for Eddie's head. The police drag Eddie back to the store and he has to re-enact what happened. After finally being allowed to go home (with the suspicious police keeping an eye on him), Gloria and Joe show up and try to help, first with a hot bath and then with an offer to run and get him soup. As he's getting ready for his bath, who pops up but love-struck Venus, sending Eddie into a panic and his landlady banging on the door, screaming about her "no girls allowed" policy!

More merry misadventures ensue, with Eddie finally sneaking Venus back to the store after hours. In order to avoid the security guard, he hides Venus in the Model Home, a look into the pushbutton future ... of course, every button he pushes keeps bringing the bed down from the wall, much to Her amusement. This leads to the signature song of the film (and the play) "Speak Low (When You Speak Love)" - sadly, even though Ava had a perfectly fine singing voice, she was dubbed by Eileen Wilson for the film. It's a lovely tune, and one that has been renewed periodically over the years, with one of the latest versions by Barbra Streisand. As the magical song takes over, Gloria and Joe fall for each other and Eddie stops fighting Fate and kisses Venus.

Venus is discovered asleep in the Model Home the next morning by Molly, who calls Savory down to see Her for himself. Of course, he falls in love with Her, and demands that She be given everything She wants, immediately assuming She will be his new plaything. Rather than being flattered by this, Venus turns him down cold for Eddie, which infuriates Savory to the point of having Eddie arrested. He is used to getting what he wants, when he wants it, with his money ... but not this time.

Eddie takes Venus to a park for an idyllic evening of dancing and romancing, but then ... Her time is up. She is called back to Olympus and must answer the call. She's heartbroken to leave him, he's heartbroken to let Her go (and must be feeling more than a little stupid letting the whole night get away from him like that), and before he can get back to Her, She's gone. Before She leaves, She makes Savory call and have Eddie released from jail, as well as opening his eyes over his love (and need) for Molly.

The film ends with the statue back in place, Savory and Molly heading off to their honeymoon, and a distraught Eddie in front of the statue saying "we never even said goodbye." Just then, a lovely and familiar looking lass walks by ... she just started in the Model Homes department and is the exact likeness of ... could it be??? When Eddie introduces himself, she smiles and gives her name as Venus Jones ... and closes with "Nobody's likely to meet two girls named Venus", thus giving herself away ... and her heart to Eddie. The curtain rings down on the statue and the film, and there's not a dry eye in the house.

The film is available on DVD, in both its original black and white version, as well as a colorized one. It's every bit as enchanting today as when it was first made, and receives my highest recommendation.

Next Time: We turn our sights from the Heavens Above to the Infernal Realm below as we take a RACE WITH THE DEVIL - strap in and join us!