Tuesday, December 4, 2012

K.A.C. 2012 - T - 21 ...


Direct from the "Burn It With Fire" catalog comes today's entry, featuring Handcrafted Holiday Horrors! OK, deep breath here, don't be scared ... and begin.

     First up we have these 'lovely' homespun hellions ... what little girl doesn't love dolls, right? Why should she settle for Barbie when she could have THIS watching over her at night when she was trying to get to sleep? 

     And what if instead of sleeping, she laid awake crying in terror that as soon as she fell asleep, her doll was going to eat her? Then she would have to get up and go to the bathroom to get a tissue to dry her eyes and blow her nose ... from this Clown Tissue Holder, calmly biding his time and waiting on the back of the toilet seat! 

     Trembling and traumatized, she goes to the kitchen for a glass of milk and cookies, only to find 'Cynthia Centipede' as the centerpiece of the kitchen table, whispering, "Join us! JOIN US!" Yes, I know, I've seen WAY too many bizarre films ... but it could happen! How? By getting a copy of  Make It With Aunt Lydia's Heavy Rug Yarn ... personally speaking, ONE visit to Aunt Lydia's place would have been enough for me for LIFE! However, if you know someone who's into knitting and are tired of the usual doilies, quilts, etc., send them this and let them go crazy! And I'm telling ALL my knitting friends RIGHT NOW (and you know who you are) I don't want to see ANY of these Nightmare Fuel guests coming to visit our house! :) Here's the link to order it on Amazon.com ...


     Enough with the Knitting Knightmares ... for REAL Christmas Catastrophes, you have to be ready to brave the wild, the unknown, the terror and mystery that is ...Thrift Store Santas! With more misshapen figures than the Walter Reed Medical Museum (which I highly recommend should you ever be in the Washington, D.C. area - they've just re-opened and added new exhibits - http://www.medicalmuseum.mil/index.cfm ), you can find such curiosities as the Conjoined Santa (aka the Chang and Eng Santa), the Plum Pudding Man ... and the Staring Santa. Be warned, there are some things that CAN'T be UNSEEN! But since you've come this far ... click on the link and scroll down - don't say you weren't warned!


     Staring ... Santa ... orders ... me ... to ... tell ... you ... to ... return ... tomorrow. Obey ... OBEY!


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