Sunday, December 4, 2016

K.A.C. 2016 - T - 21 ...

     No, No, NO ... I said Christmas WISHES !!! Our festive ladies have their hearts in the right places, even though they may be in the wrong holiday. They are today's entry in Weird Vintage Christmas Cards as they fly in the sky, high over the trees ... did I say TREES? Well, what better time to look in on this year's Oddest Christmas Tree collection!

     Yes, it's that time again - time to make space in your living room for the Coniferous Custodian of your presents, baubles, ornaments and tinsel ... in other words, time to get that Christmas tree up! And if you've followed our pages for lo, these many years, you KNOW we're all about weird-ass trees! This year is no exception, so let's see what Santa (and your family) will stare at in shock and awe this year!

           First up is the BLUE Cookie Monster Christmas Tree - just the thing if you've got real young ones (read: Sesame Street age) and are an already over-stressed parent. Just get a blue artificial tree, follow the instructions on the handily-provided link and you are good to go! Sorry we can't help you with the hordes of friends and family you'll have to deal with during the holiday season - hey, our resources only stretch so far!

     Just can't face the hours of sorting lights, hanging ornaments, tinsel, etc., etc., and of course, etcetera? Then go the Minimalist Christmas Tree route this year! All is takes is two white ornaments, paint in the black center and presto! A tree that just SCREAMS attitude! Yeah, that's right, I got your Holly Jollies right here, bro!  :) 

      Then there's this - my vote for favorite tree idea of the year! This would be an excellent one to pull off on Christmas Eve night, AFTER the kids have gone to bed. Let them rush down Christmas morning and listen for the intake of breath when they see WHO is stuck in their tree!  :)

For those of you who AREN'T Scrooges regarding decorating your trees (and if you've followed this blog in past years, you know where I stand on it), you're going to need to add a few ornaments every year to keep the tradition growing and to someday hand down to your kids. I was always told that each ornament was supposed to tell a story, so just IMAGINE the whoppers you could tell with THESE!


           First up is the Shrunken Head Ornament ... where you gather the kids (and grandkids) around and tell them about the time when you were a young man traveling among the Jivaros ... and the battles you fought and your hard-earned prize. Excellent for telling after a viewing of the Night Gallery episode 'Logoda's Heads'! Hey, you spend the holidays how you want and let me have my OWN traditions! :)  This, BTW, is only one of MANY reasons my son is dreading having his kids visit the grandparents when he gets married! :)

      Too grim for your tastes? Too much of a 'what the Hell is wrong with you' type? Need something a little more demure for the folks? Fine, try this on for size ... an innocent room key ornament. Put it up and quietly sit by until some patsy asks you, "What's the story about the key ornament?" Then you slowly smile, tell them to have a seat, turn down the lights and pull out your bookmarked copy of The Shining ... and tell them ALL ABOUT Room 237. What could be more fun?
     Now you don't want the TOP of your tree to be bare, do you? Of course not! Soooo ... may we recommend either or K.A.C. mascot Krampus (complete with switch and basket of ne-er-do-wells) or if you're feeling truly 'End Times', our Great Old One Cthulhu! 


      All of these (and many more) can be found at the link below:

      Last but not least is the Hipster Nativity Set that is causing ALL SORTS of controversy this year, what with Mary and Joseph taking selfies with the Baby Jesus, the Three Wise Men rolling in on Segways, etc. Want to GUARANTEE cutting down on your holiday card list? Just have this under your tree when the family and friends come to visit - job done! A warning, though ... this is going to set you back about $130 ... just HOW dedicated are you to wanting this? That dedicated, huh? OK, here you go --- don't say I didn't warn you!


     Coming Tomorrow: We're hitching a ride on the 'Christmas Death Horse' - sound like fun? Always room for one more - join us!

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